Closing time...
Yes, I have entered into the beginning of the end at BCA. Today was my last Biology class and I have 2 more weeks with the middle schoolers. Fridays are strange days for me, especially when I have to work at night. I have suddenly become so pensive...thinking about so many things. In recent years I begun to steer away from goodbyes...I feel like they are so anticlimactic. Everyone feels like it should be so significant, but I have really come to think that if you feel like there is something you need to say in your goodbye- then your friendship was lacking all along.

I remember a goodbye after graduation last may where my friend and I stood in front of one another, knowing how much we meant to one another but also having the bittersweet reality in the pits of our stomachs that we would not be sustaining opur relationship any longer. And so we stared at each other, and smiled a little and then nodded and walked away. And that is a goodbye among friends. We did not say I love you because we realized we already knew that, and if it needed to be sid then in a way it was a lie- love is something that can't be stated, it just is.

And so I find myself struggling with these last few weeks. These drawn out goodbyes that feel so, well drawn out. I find myself slacking off as a teacher and then justifying it and then feeling so guilty...and yet my mind and heart are in limbo. Neither here nor there quite yet. My mind reels between the anticipation of leaving and the desire to suck the marrow out of these last moments here. So that is where I am. I am grateful for those praying and reading this now. I can't believe it is actually happening.