A quiet day in the apartments as the new set of students are on an outing has allowed me to get work done, but also to reflect once again. Going into the new year, and my last few months here brought on a lot of guilt. Every time I would think about coming home, this intense conviction that I am abadndoning my friends and my work here would wash over me. I haven't felt this kind of guilt in years and it is hard to wade through.

And then the Calvin Interim arrived- 13 students and two staff members. One of the staff members is an old friend of Brandi's and the other is a dear friend of D&J's. My eager expectancy of this group slowly turned into an even deeper sense of loneliness than i felt when I was actually alone. Seeing all these friends reunited only made me sorely miss my own dear friends, who are thousands of miles away. I found that a Davia was reappearing that I thought was dead- the Davia that seeks approval and validation from others, and that makes me so unauthentic. Thankfully I identified this early and have been thinking about it a lot.

My ideas on God and the Church have evolved so much in the past year, which is good. However, my attitude towards American Christianity has turned sour, which is bad. I saw this weekend clearly how cynical and negative I have become, and now I'm trying to integrate my critical mind with my sensitive, loving heart (which i somehow lost somewhere). That is my newest challenge.

I really like how this place makes me think about myself this way. I hope that continues when I go home. i don't necessarily like who I am in Romania, but I do like the way I think about myself and examine my thoughts, intentions and perceptions.