Thoughts on Grammas gallbladders and guilt...

As I sit in my apartment in Romania, my gramma is in the operating room in Massachusetts having her gallbladder removed. The procedure is really complicated and kind od dangerous for her. When my aunt called me, I sobbed as she told me the details, and I've been ok since, worried but ok. It is strange though that the emotion i feel most intensely at a time like this is guilt. I suddenly feel like this need I had to be away and adventuorous is so trivial. I feel like I should be there with my family, with my grammy. This feeling is always here, but usually very faint. At times like this though, it becomes nearly unbearable. I wonder why I had to be so selfish and go so far away. But nonetheless I'm here. Praying and waiting.